My Black Chandelier
by GoodyGollyMissMoxley
Summary: Dean develops feelings for Seth. Seth is unsure of how to return the feelings or if he even can at all. Ambrollins. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins. Jon Moxley/Tyler Black.
1. Chapter 1

**_Alrighty! I've been wanting to make a Ambrollins fanfic and I hadn't had the right idea to come into my mind. So here it is. I'll call this one, "Black Chandelier." Yes, it's because of the Biffy Clyro song. Enjoy! As always, rate & review. Follow and favorite. I fucking love you guys. J (I think you guys will understand this a lot more if you listen to the song while reading. It'll bring out more meaning. Go ahead, look it up. I'll sit here waiting…..you got it? No? Your computers a piece of crap like mine is?...alright…well just come back here when you've got it pulled up. J )_**

_Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip  
Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip  
Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip  
Drip, drip, drip, drip_

I watched the rain drops fall farther down the car's window, watching them race to get to exactly no point at all. I was numb, beyond numb. I wasn't high, I wasn't drunk. I was emotionally hurt. He always done this, just as we were getting closer and he was starting to let me in, he slaps that wall back up fifteen miles high and I have no bulldozer.

"Hey man, are you two alright?" Roman asked.  
"We're fine." Seth snapped, crossing his arms in the backseat.  
"Dean, you look a little spaced man. You sure you didn't take too hard of a hit?" Roman questioned me, looking over at me in the passenger seat.  
"I don't think it's the ring hit." I sighed, rubbing my still tender jaw.  
"Well, I don't want to know then." Roman sighed, "You two need to work it out."

We pulled into the hotel and got our room. I looked over the list they had of who we were to room with. I sighed as my name was next to Seth, as usual. I rubbed my forehead as I heard him talking to Roman.

"Can we switch, Roman?" Seth's voice asked.  
"Are you sure? You two need to talk it out, man." Roman sighed.  
"No, I don't want to talk to him." Seth shook his head, looking over at me and quickly looking away as he realized I was looking at him.  
"Well man…I still think you two should talk it out, but we can switch." Roman shook his head, "Don't cry, Seth."  
"I can't do it anymore, Roman." Seth shook his head.  
"You can't do exactly what anymore, Seth?" I piped up, glaring at him, "You can't take being gay anymore, is that what it is Seth?"  
"I can't take YOU anymore, Dean. You're a monster, a horrible vile monster. Why did you have to pick me, Dean? There are far more men out there to do this too. Not me. Why me?" Seth cried, stomping his foot like a little child.

_I shouldn't laugh but I know I'm a failure in your eyes  
I know it's daft but I guess that I know it deep inside_

"I don't want the other men, Seth. I'VE ONLY EVER WANTED YOU." I shouted, walking after him to the room, "You just refuse to see it. You refuse to see that you have the same feelings for me. I know it, you know it. Tell me you don't love me, Seth. Tell me and I'll walk out of this hotel and leave you alone. TELL ME."

Seth laid his head against the cool wall, tears streaming down freely and quickly before he turned back to face me. His tears made me hurt even more. I wanted to hold him, but the last time I done that he decided it would be a good time to slap me.

"I can't tell you that, Dean. But I also can't tell you that I love you." He whispered, "I don't know what to tell you."  
"You don't have to say anything, Seth. Just stop trying to argue with me every time I get closer to you. Stop fighting this, Seth. Stop fighting it. You want it just as much as I do, I know you do. You're the only thing I've ever wanted since I saw you in Florida. You're all I'll ever want, Seth. Just please, please…for me…for you…let this happen." I whispered, walking a little bit closer to him steadily.  
"Dean, I can't. I can't let whatever this is happen. What is this, Dean? WHAT ARE WE?" Seth sobbed, backing away from me, "Please Jonathan…just please…please leave me alone. I'm scared, Jon."  
"THEN TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT SCARES YOU, COLBY! MAYBE," I quickly lowered my tone, "Maybe we can work it out together."  
"I don't want to talk about it. I want to forget about it. I don't know what we did, what happened back there backstage..but..I can't let it happen again." Seth shook his head.  
"You wanted it just as much as I did," I said, "You didn't push me away until afterwards."

Seth allowed me to be standing right in front of him, not extremely close.

"I didn't want to push you away. I don't want to push you away now, just give me space Jon. That's all I want. I want space. That…it…what we did-"  
"Sex, Seth. We had sex." I cut him off, a soft shade of pink rising to his cheeks.  
"Jon..I didn't know I had feelings for you like that. I didn't know I wanted you. We were friends three hours ago and now I'm walking around with your..your…" He was frustrated.  
"Cum?" I offered, his face turning even brighter red. It was the truth.  
"JON!" He snapped as two people walked past us.  
"Well…" I shrugged.  
"I've never done..I've never had sex with another man, Jon. I…You…GODDAMNIT!" He shouted, dropping his bags, "I don't know what you've done to me, Jonathan but feel free to take it back any time now."

He shoved me against the wall and pressed his lips hard to mine. It caught me off guard, my back felt like it shattered as it made contact with the wall as our lips danced. His taste invaded my mouth again, slowly taking me to another level.

_It feels like we're ready to crack these days, you and I  
When it's just the two of us, only the two of us, I could die_

He pulled away and cursed underneath his breath as we both licked our lips. His deep brown eyes looked up at mine quickly before he looked away.

_You left my heart like an abandoned car  
Old and worn out, no use at all  
But I used to be free_

He grabbed his bags up from their position on the ground and stormed down the hallway. His head hung low, he was ashamed of me and what we had done. What the fuck was I thinking? He had a girlfriend, whom he loved deeply. I, well I was nothing but a home-wrecker. I fought the tears that stung as I watched him walk hastily to the closest stairwell, which his sobs echoed through. I sunk down against the wall that he had slammed me up against and held my head in my hands. I could still hear his sobs; they tore away at my insides.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, SETH!" I screamed, covering my ears quickly.

He was gone as quick as he came. I pulled my tired body up from the floor a few moments afterwards and grabbed my bags, walking to the room number I was to share with Roman. I realized quickly a female voice on the other end of the door. He had his wife on speaker, talking to her and telling her how much he loved and missed her.  
I longed for that, I wanted someone to my own. Someone to tell I missed someone to call during the day just to hear their voice. I slowly opened the door, Roman's head snapping back in my direction. He looked over my face and raised his eyebrows. I shook my head as I watched his face fall, he understood that Seth didn't want anything to do with me.

"Give him some time, Dean." Roman said, "Maybe he will come around."  
"Maybe..maybe not." I whispered, "I think I'm just going to go to bed."  
"Do you want me to take her off of speaker?" Roman asked, "Do you need to talk about it man?"  
"No, no. Enjoy talking to your wife, I'll just put my ear buds in. Night, Roman." I nodded, pulling my shirt off.  
"Night man." Roman said.

I laid and listened to Roman and his wife talk for a few hours afterwards, trying not to let my mind wander to Seth. I could still feel him on me, I could feel him around me in all his glory. He was beautiful. I wiped furiously at the tears that had escaped and closed my eyes tight, forcing sleep to come quickly. I wanted Seth out of my thoughts, I wanted it quickly.

_We're gonna separate ourselves tonight  
We're always running scared but holding knives  
But there's a black chandelier  
It's casting shadows and lies_

My eyes cracked open as the sun was starting to rise. Roman was gone from the room, his bed was empty. From somewhere behind me, someone cleared their throat. I jumped up out of bed, not expecting the sudden sound. I whirled around to see Seth sitting crossed legged at the edge of my bed. He was almost perched as his face showed shock at my sudden actions. I grasped my bare chest and bent over as I tried to regain somewhat of my composure.

"Seth…what the fuck?" I gasped, rubbing my back.  
"Calm down, Jon." He sighed, "It's only me."  
"What are..what are you doing here?" I asked, running my hands through my hair, "God Seth, you scared the fuck out of me."  
"Sorry…" He whispered, looking over at me, "Sit down, Jon. I want to talk to you. I figured we had both calmed down a lot now…we need to talk."  
"What is it, Seth?" I asked, crawling back to my position on the bed.  
"I don't want you to talk, I want you to listen. Promise me..promise me you'll listen good, alright Jon?" He asked, his big brown eyes looking up at me.  
"Alright, yeah man. I promise." I nodded.

_I'll sit in silence for the rest of my life if you'd like  
Dressing our wings with industrial gloves made of wire_

"Dean..Jon…" He trailed off, " I don't know where to start really. I had all this planned out in my head before I came here." He rubbed his jean-clad leg as he stared at it.  
"Take your time, Colby." I nodded.  
"You scare me, Jon." He whispered, "You scare me…a lot, honestly. I always felt there was something further beyond just friendship for you and me. I knew there was something there. I didn't know it was physical attraction, but I knew it was something. Jon, I'm not gay. There's no way I am gay, Jon. I have a girlfriend. We're planning on kids, Jon. She was the person I was going to start a family with, I was going to marry her..we were going to save enough money up to go buy a nice house and settle down there. Now, I'm not so sure that's what I want to do. Last night..when..when we had…sex…I felt connected to you. I've never felt that with anyone else. Ever. I don't know what it is, I still can't explain it."  
"What are you saying, Colby?" I looked at him.  
"I don't really know what I'm saying, Jon. I do care for you; it's just not the way you want me to. I love you, Jon. But I'm not in love with you. Those are two totally different things, right?" He questioned.  
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Seth?" I whispered, looking down at my hands.  
"I'm not convincing anything. I'm not denying my feelings for you but I'm not too sure how to accept them. How do you accept that, Jon? We've been friends for years, why are you just doing this now? Maybe before now, I could have thought about this more. I have Leighla, Jon. She's been really dependent on me these last few months. "

_Feel it penetrating the skin, we begin to relax  
When it's just the two of us, and a cute little cup of cyanide_

I looked up at Seth, swallowing down the huge lump in my throat. I knew exactly what he was telling me. It was a basic, 'get the fuck away from me', he was just being nice about it. I pulled my body up from the bed and walked over to the window.

"Jon…Jon talk to me." He whispered.  
"I don't understand what you're trying to tell me, Colby." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.  
"What don't you understand?" He asked, "You asked me how I felt."  
"I asked you to talk to me, Colby. Not shoot me down." I shook my head.  
"Jon, I didn't shoot you down. I merely told you what I was thinking."  
"Just tell me, Colby. Call me a monster, slap me in the face again and walk out like last night." I said, playing with the hem of my pants, "Tell me you don't feel the same way, and tell me you don't love me. Tell me you do love me, tell me something Colby."

He looked back down at his hands, his fingers crossed in his lap as he more than likely thought of another way to easily let me down. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a deep breath.

"I'm not saying I don't love you, Jon. That would be a lie. I'm saying that I care for you. You're my friend, Jon. Lets not push it any farther for the moment. Let me take a couple days to really wrap my head around it, let me get a good grip of reality and what you're wanting me to do…Jon, what do you want me to do?" He asked.  
"I want you to be honest with me, Seth. I want you to look me in the eye when you say that you do or don't love me. I want you to be able to say it proudly and with pride. I don't want you to lie to me and I don't want you to lie to yourself based off of what others might say or think." I said, sitting beside of him, "And don't be scared of me. I'd never hurt you."

Colby laid his two toned head against my shoulder and sighed, pressing his lips softly to the tender flesh there.

"Don't lie to yourself." I whispered, kissing the top of his head.

_You left my heart like an abandoned car  
Old and worn out, no use at all  
But I used to be free_

After Colby left, I sat in the dark room. I hated being left alone with my thoughts; I hated having to be alone really. I loved Seth, I really loved him. Sure I had loved others, but nothing was as close to my love for him. He could smile and my heart would swell it felt like. I knew it took a lot to face me like he just had done, but he was obviously a lot more mentally stronger than I was. I looked in the mirror. I felt old; my appearance had changed upon entering the WWE. All the wrestlers warned us about that appearance change before we signed. I had dark circles around my eyes; the weight I had gained was showing in my face finally. I used to be self-conscious about myself; I never felt I was the right weight for my height. I felt either too fat or too skinny, there was no in-between. Ever since I started working out with Seth, I slowly felt a little confidence grow back. He would always compliment me in the subtlest ways, sneakily boosting my confidence up a little more.

Roman came in the room not to long after that and told me to get dressed. When I asked why, he said it wasn't important but he needed to have a talk with me. I followed the huskier man down and out the lobby doors, where we continued walking until we entered a pizza shop. He sat down in front of me in a booth and we ordered all the toppings on the pizza. After we handed the waitress our menu's, he cleared his throat and his icy grey eyes were on me.

"You've got to demand it from him." He said.  
"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking up at him.  
"You can't take it easy on Colby, Jon. You literally have to demand him to talk to you." Roman said, "I've known him for a while now and he's just not someone who is going to willingly admit their feelings. You have to question him, demand it from him. He isn't going to be the first to say he loves you, dude."


	2. Chapter 2: Lust and Desire

__Colby hadn't talked to me in days, only unless it pertained to work. I didn't push him to; I didn't really want to talk to him. I didn't know what to tell him and I'm far beyond sure it would be weird. The quietness between us two lasted only a couple hours more after RAW. The buses were broken down so we all had to take taxis to the hotel and of course, I got shoved in and forced to room with him.

"You listened to me tell you what I wanted to tell you," He whispered as we laid in the quiet room," Now I want to hear what you have to say."  
"Colby, do we really have to do this right now?" I asked, looking over at his bed.  
"Yes, Jon." He said, "Yes we do."  
"I don't know what to tell you." I shrugged, crossing my legs  
"Cuss me out, slap me..just do something. I don't like you being silent." Seth shook his head, "That's the only thing that scares me worse."  
"I think you're lying to yourself," I shrugged, "I think you're lying to yourself because you know how people feel about homosexuality. They degrade it and you aren't the type of person to go against the grain. You aren't the type to do anything like that and we both know it. You're scared of what the guys might say if they were to ever find out. If you wanted to be with me and you actually really REALLY wanted it, it wouldn't matter what they though. You're gay, Seth. You're gay."  
"Test me." Seth said, walking over to my bed and sitting beside of me.  
"Seth, you don't take a written test to prove your sexuality or not." I looked over at him as I rolled my eyes.  
"You know what I mean." Seth said, moving closer to me.  
"Obviously, I don't." I said, looking back at the TV.

He huffed and then proceeded to pick my hand up out of my lap and place it in his, right above his member.

"Colby, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked, "You aren't gay, remember?"  
"I'M TRYING TO TEST IT." Seth shouted at me.  
"What exactly are you testing?" I asked him.  
"If I'm gay or not…." He trailed off, "I don't feel anything."  
"Colby, I'm just going to act like you really didn't do or say that." I shook my head, dragging my hand away from him.  
"How did you know you were gay? What made you gay?" Colby asked me, sitting up cross legged in my view of the TV.  
"Colby, I don't really want to talk about it." I shook my head, not wanting to bring the memory back up.  
"Why?" He asked.  
"It's just not something I like talking about." I shook my head.  
"Oh.." He trailed off, getting the gist of my tone, "Okay."

He kept staring at me, his big brown eyes looking over my body. It made me feel sort of uncomfortable as I could literally feel him looking over my body.

"What are you looking at?" I whispered, pulling my shirt down.  
"Still testing it." He shrugged.  
"Goddamnit, Colby…" I sighed, moving to sit on my knees on the bed.

I gripped the back of his head and pulled it harshly to mine, crushing our lips together. He didn't push me away; instead he pulled me closer to him and kissed me feverishly back. It shocked me almost, he was all over me.

"I say I'm gay, will you fuck me again?" Colby whispered against my lips.  
"I'd do anything you asked me too." I whispered, rubbing over his half hard cock.

He moaned softly in the back of his throat as we kissed again, our lips finding that familiar rhythm. There was his heavenly taste, invading my mouth in all the right ways. His hands were all over me, rubbing and pulling at my shirt. He broke the kiss only to pull my shirt over my head. His hands roamed over my lap, rubbing my jean clad cock. He unbuckled my belt and then quickly unfastened my pants. I lifted my hips up off of the bed enough for him to pull my pants and boxers down. I moaned softly as his fingers ran up and down the length of my cock, his head lying on my bare thigh as he watched himself play with me, teasing me. His touch sent tingles all through my body.

"I've..I've never done this," He shook his head up at me, "Let me know if I hurt you, okay?"  
"I don't think that's possible," I whispered, "But I will."

He got on his knees in front of me, pushing his lips down around the head of me. He was taking it slow, which was understandable. I bit my bottom lip, his mouth was warm and his lips were just soft enough. He held the base of my cock firmly, his head moving in slow bobs. I gripped the back of his head, throwing my own head back in pleasure.

"Fuck," I whispered, "You're doing great…so fucking good Colby."

I tried hard not to thrust my hips up into his mouth but I couldn't hold back for long. Colby moaned around my cock, making me even closer to a release.

"Stop stop stop," I whispered, looking down at him.  
"Did I hurt you?" He asked, licking his lips; licking the remains of my taste from his mouth.  
"No, no. You didn't hurt me; you're just too fucking desirable." I whispered, pulling him up into my lap.

He kissed me as I slowly unfastened his pants and pushed him off of me onto the bed beside of me. He watched me almost rip his pants from his body along with his boxers as I was beyond desperate to taste him again. He propped himself up on his elbows as he watched me suck his head into my mouth, moaning as soon as the taste of him hit my tongue.

"Jon," He groaned, throwing his leg over my shoulder.

He placed his foot firmly on my back, I could feel his toes curling as I moaned around him; bobbing my head as I forced myself to take him completely inside of my mouth. He gripped a fist full of hair, pushing my head farther down on him as he moaned my name out seductively. I pulled my lips from his member and rolled his body up so that I had easy access to his entrance. He drew a breath of air sharply as I pushed into him, his tight entrance leaving my jaw hanging slightly slacked. I trust my hips slowly; I wanted this to last for forever. He looked up at me as I placed our foreheads together, god I loved him.

"Please don't try to stop this, don't deny this Colby." I whispered, kissing him softly once again.

He was everything I ever wanted and so much more. He pulled my body to his, burying my head in the crook of his scruffy neck as we made love. He cradled the back of my head, embracing me like I've never been embraced as our hips moved to meet each other's.  
Despite being so close to him, having myself wrapped in his arms as I pleasured the both of us, he felt so far away. I set myself up for rejection and tried to stifle the tears that fell. He was using me to get a release that he knew only I could give him, he knew that I would never be able to turn him away. I bit back and swallowed the tears that threatened to escape as I felt him release into my hand, splashing up against my chest. I held out on my release, holding it back so I could savor this moment; savor being this close to him, savor the fact that he asked me to fuck him. For right now, he was mine and mine only. There was no girlfriend; there was no one else in the world other than me and him. I could have died right here in his arms and I would have died feeling accomplished. He wasn't going to accept me; he was going to push me away just like everybody else had.  
I couldn't hold back any longer, filling him as I let out a soft moan in his ear. He didn't let go of me, he didn't push me away so that was a good sign. I lay in his embrace for a few moments before I felt I couldn't be around him any longer, my heart was breaking because of his silence. I pulled away from him and sat at the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. I wasn't ashamed of what we had done, I was ashamed of myself. I had made him feel things that he shouldn't have had to feel. I had made advances towards him when he really wasn't too sure of himself. I had made love to a man twice that was unsure of his sexuality and I was the only thing confusing him. I confused myself at times. I reached for my pants and pulled them on, along with my shirt as I stood up.

"Where are you going?" He asked, he hadn't moved from his spot on the bed yet.  
"I need a cigarette." I mumbled, "I need to clear my mind."  
"Just let me know you're okay if you're gone for a long time, okay?" Seth asked, rolling over onto his stomach.  
"Yeah," I nodded, picking up my phone, "I will."  
"Be careful." It wasn't the words I wanted to hear, I wanted to hear him tell me not to go.  
"I will." I shut the door behind me, leaning against the wall after he was out of my sight.


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Make Me Choose

(I know, it's a little short compared to the others. The next update will be longer! Promise!)

May 19, 2013.  
I sat in the back of the car on our ride to the arena. I could hear Seth's music blasting in his ears; I don't understand how he stands the constant screaming. They sounded like they were getting anally raped or something. Maybe that's why Seth likes that genre, with the anal shit and all but then again Seth was yet to accept that he was in fact gay himself.  
I sighed and looked out the window as the cities passed us by. Unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar places and they were going absolutely nowhere. My thoughts reminded me of the Tears for Fears song, which only got the lyrics stuck in my head. I hated that, having lyrics stuck in your head when you had no way of hearing the song. It started raining, I watched as Roman sat up straighter in the driver's seat. The man was a nervous wreck when he drove while it was raining. That's when I caught Seth staring at me from the passenger mirror. I stared back at him, hearing him swallow hard. It was way too easy to get into his mind and under his skin. I sat back in the seat, breaking the eye contact I had with him. It was torture, being this close to him and not being able to taste him, not being able to touch him like I wanted. I envisioned tying him back up and making him beg, making him scream my name. I couldn't think those thoughts right now so I shoved the ear buds of my own into my ear and sighed. I knew he was still staring at me. He was beyond confusing; One day he told me he wanted me and we would have amazing sex only to have him turn around the next day just to tell me to leave him alone. I have never come onto him other than our first time together which started this fucking frenzy. I regretted doing it now; my heart felt like an elephant had sucked it right out of my chest and took a huge shit on it only after stomping on it.

"We got to get some gas." Roman announced, drawing me out of my thoughts.  
"Good, I need cigarettes." I said.  
"You mean cancer sticks." Seth mumbled.  
"Shut up." I sighed, pulling my hat farther down.

We pulled into the nearest gas station, all three of us going into the store. I went towards the bathroom. As I was focused on pissing, I heard the music blaring from Seth's iPod enter the bathroom.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I mumbled before I fixed my pants.  
"You're so childish." Seth sighed.  
"Childish? No." I shook my head, "Sarcastic? Yes."  
"Whatever," He laughed, "I'm nervous, Dean."  
"About?" I asked, rubbing my hands together underneath the running water.  
"Tonight." He said, fumbling with his thumbs.  
"You already know you're getting the belts."  
"That's not what I meant." He shook his head, "Leighla is coming up to the hotel afterwards…I don't want her there."  
"Why? I thought you two were madly in love with each other?" I questioned him as I dried my hands.  
"I love her, I really do. But I was hoping that maybe me and you could go somewhere and talk." He shrugged.  
"Talk about what?" I was confused.  
"Don't play dumb, Jonathan." Seth hissed, "It's definitely not something that suits you well."  
"What is it that you want to talk about, Colby?" I asked him.  
"This," He pointed from me to him, "What are we? What is this?"  
"This" I done the same hand gesture, "Is nothing until your extra baggage is gone."  
"You were the one who told me not to stop it, I'm not stopping nor am I denying it any longer." Seth shook his head.  
"I'm not either, I'm just not going to have my heart hurt any more as I get to see and hear you two all over each other at night on the phone." I said, looking over at him, "It tears me up that you love someone else. I want you for myself; I want only you for myself with no one else. When you're all mine is when this will be something. Until then, you're just somebody I can shove my dick inside."

I knew my words hurt him, it showed on his face. He had hurt me; I wanted to see him hurt the same way. I wanted him mad, I was beyond mad. I wanted him to feel the rejection that he had given me for a long, long time now. He walked closer to me slowly, our gaze never leaving each other's.

"I don't want to be just somebody you can shove your dick inside of, Dean. I want you to love me, I want to be yours. Honestly, I do. I just can't break it off with Leighla." He shook his head, "I can't hurt that girl, I've already hurt her plenty of times before."  
"So you're going to hurt me instead?" I whispered.  
"No, that's not what I'm saying." He shook his head, "What I'm saying is that..maybe we could keep us a secret?"  
"Fuck no, Seth." I shook my head, "I can't even believe you just asked me that. I want you for myself, do I really need to repeat myself?"  
"Dean, please don't make me choose." Seth whispered.  
"I'm not making you do anything, Seth." I shook my head, "If you love her then be with her. Just tell me so I can pick myself up."  
"I don't know what I want." Seth said, looking down at his feet.

As much as it hurt me to say the next words that came out of my mouth, I knew it was the truth.

"Seth she loves you." I whispered, "And I know that you love her. I'm not going to make you choose, I know she holds a special place in your heart. It sucks that that special place isn't me, It'll always suck greatly. But I think for right now, maybe we should just be friends. "  
"I don't think I can just be friends with you, Dean. Not now, not after all the intimacy we've shared. It can't happen." Seth said as he crossed his arms, "Dean I want you. I want you badly. Always and forever, I just don't know if I can put her down like that."  
"Let her down easy if you feel that's what you need to do," I walked closer to him and laid our foreheads together, "But I'm not going to force you into being with me."  
"Alright." He said, "I'll call her and tell her not to come."  
"No," I shook my head, "Go see her. Be with her for a little bit longer, I know that's what you want. I'll be in the hotel waiting for you and then we can talk, alright?"

I watched him nod, he was physically upset. I knew what he was feeling; those odd feelings about another man and still having a sweet woman in his life. I had gone through this exact moment before. That inner struggle of wanting to give into sweet temptation and being with who gave you the most pleasure. I rubbed my thumb softly over his bottom lip before pressing my lips quickly to his. I fought myself, my inner person told me to fuck him raw in this bathroom but I knew I couldn't. He was already confused, that would just make him even more confused.

"Dean..I.." Seth shook his head, "I love you."  
"No you don't," I smiled softly, "You love the idea of me. You love the risk it is with being caught with me. You love the dangerous side of this but if you truly loved me, you would have left her. But you know what they say."  
"What?" Seth asked, his lips were still against mine.  
"If you fall in love with two people at once, always choose the second. If you truly loved the first, there would be no other." I whispered before kissing him softly once again, "Go with your head, Seth. Not your heart."

That was it for our conversation that day. The only other interaction I had with him was right before my match against Kofi Kingston. He whispered a, "Good Luck," to me in my ear as he went to walk out with Leighla. I knew I had to get him off my mind before my match or I definitely would have flubbed it up big time. So as like earlier, I shoved my ear buds in and sighed as the fast paced music filled my ears. I done a couple pushups and slicked my hair back just in time to have the security guards come tapping on the dressing room door.

The match wasn't even that hard but Kofi did give me a run for my money. Seth and Roman were in the ring before I even had my belt in my hands. The hug that Seth gave me left me breathless, he squeezed me extremely tightly. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted just to pull him even tighter to me and kiss him. Roman and he celebrated with lifting me over their shoulders; Seth's hand was way too close to my cock. I knew he felt me as he gripped my inner thigh. The look on his face gave it away. How we were completely clothed and standing in front of probably five million people and it still only felt like it was him and I was beyond my reckoning. I wish I could just strip him down and ravish his body right here in this ring.  
We made our way back up to the dressing room that we luckily got to ourselves for the night. In only a short moment, we would be back down there but for now I needed something to drink. I walked down to the food platters, lucky to find a bottle of Gatorade. What I also found was something I didn't want to see.

"Dean!" A woman's voice shouted at me.  
"Yeah?" I turned around to see Leighla standing there with a handful of stuff.  
"Hey! It's good to finally meet you!" She smiled as she rushed up to hug me.  
"Oh yeah, you too." I lied.  
"Could you maybe take me up to Seth? I really would like to push this stuff off on him so I don't have to sit in the crowd with it." She smiled brightly up at me.  
"Yeah, sure." I nodded, taking some of the heavier things from her hands.

We walked back to the dressing room in silence, I really didn't want to be here right now any longer. Seth's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he watched her walk back into the room with me. He choked on his drink and sat up straight.

"Leighla! I thought you weren't going to be here until afterwards?" He almost stammered over his words.  
"I just couldn't wait to see you anymore." She smiled, sitting the bags down to hug him tightly.  
"Wow, that's a surprise." Roman whispered to me.  
"Tell me about it, she came out of nowhere." I sighed, pulling out my phone.


	4. Chapter 4: Safe and Sound

(Alrighty! Just want to say thanks once again to everyone who's reviewed/rated/favorite/followed/etc. Your support is what keeps me going on! We pick up on the same day as the last chapter only now it's the wee hours of the morning. Gets a little graphic at the end. Don't forget to review! :D)

12 AM, May 21st 2013.  
I laid in the cold hotel room in the pitch dark. I didn't want to move, my body hurt and I was beyond tired. I looked over at my newly acquired belt. It was beyond my biggest accomplishment, it was a WWE belt with my name on it. Ten years ago if someone said I was going to be holding a WWE belt, I would have slapped them in the face pretty hard for getting my hopes up. I barely had enough money to start training back then. If it weren't for the streets, there was no way I would have ever been able to keep it up. I was drawn out of my thoughts by a soft knock on the door. I knew who it was and I didn't want to answer it after seeing him with her all day. She was all over him, he smelled like her. I crawled out of the bed and winced as the pain in my lower back resurfaced. I opened the door to reveal Seth, yet he had a big black eye. My heart hurt for him instantly, I knew he was hurting.

"Seth.." I whispered as he pushed past me to walk into the room.  
"Don't make me talk, Dean. I don't want to talk anymore." Seth shook his head as he pulled me to him.

I didn't know why he was here, I didn't really want him here but I knew I couldn't push him away when he was visibly upset. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and soothed his kinky hair down. He sobbed silently, his smaller body taking large gasps of air. I didn't know what happened; he said he didn't want to talk so I didn't ask.

"Let me see your eye." I whispered, tilting his head back, "You need to put some ice on that. It's going to swell up even bigger if you don't."

I inhaled his scent deeply as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. The scent of alcohol hit my nose and I looked back down at his face. He was drunk or at least tipsy.

"How many beers did you have?" I chuckled.  
"Three, I think." He shrugged, "Someone called me a faggot so a fight started out."  
"You defended being called a faggot?" I arched a eyebrow.  
"No, Leighla was still with me so I denied it." He shook his head, "I..I couldn't tell her, Dean…she..uh..she's….she's."  
"She's what?" I asked, not expecting to hear what he was about to tell me.  
"She's…well…she thinks..she's pregnant." Seth whispered.

I jerked away from him, my heart completely crushed in my body now as I bit back tears. She was always in the way, even when she didn't realize it. I walked over to the window and stared down at the lifeless city as tears swelled to the brim of my eyes. Why did he always do this? Every fucking time there was something just a little bit positive coming up between us two, there was always something stopping it. I wiped the tears away before the fell; I didn't want him to see me cry.

"There's a probability that it isn't mine, though." Seth whispered, "She cheated on me while I was on the road."  
"It wouldn't happen that easy for me to get you, would it?" I whispered.  
"Dean, don't be like that. At least there's still a possibility for a positive outcome."  
"A POSITIVE OUTCOME, SETH? REALLY?" I couldn't control my temper anymore, "A FUCKING POSITIVE OUTCOME? I HAVE TO WAIT NINE FUCKING MONTHS TO BE WITH YOU JUST TO BE LEFT OUT ONCE AGAIN."  
"Dean it's not like that." Seth said.  
"It's not like that? Really? Seth don't fucking lie to me." I shook my head, "Just fucking go."  
"No, I'm not going anywhere." Seth shook his head.  
"You are fucking impossible." I shook my head.  
"No I'm not, you didn't let me finish." Seth threw his arms up in the air.  
"THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME, SETH." I slapped the wall, "Tell me right now goddamnit. I can't keep letting you just play around with my feelings."  
"Me and her aren't together anymore." He whispered.  
"Like I said, don't fucking lie to me." I sighed, crossing my arms over my bare chest.  
"I'M NOT FUCKING LYING TO YOU. DAMNIT DEAN, LISTEN TO ME." He slammed the door, "Me and her had a argument and I told her I had feelings for someone else and that's when she told me about the other guy and that she's cheated on me five times. I'm through with her, I might love her but I refuse to sit here and be cheated on."  
"You cheated on her." I whispered.  
"And I'm honestly glad I did. I'm glad that me and you had sex, I'm glad that we shared that level of intimacy. If you hadn't come onto me that night like you did, I would have never known what that other attraction was to you. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that I was gay." He shook his head.  
"What did you just say?" I asked, looking back at him.  
"Never in a million years..would…" He trailed off, realizing what he had just said out loud, "Fuck. Dean, I didn't mean it. I'm not gay."  
"STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT, SETH." I shouted, tears of anger seeping out now as I bent down slightly to be in his face, "You are gay. You got hard when I came onto you, you loved the feeling of when I fucked you, and worst off all-"  
"Don't say it." He shook his head as he covered his ears.  
"You swallowed me like it was the best damn thing you've ever tasted." I pressed my forehead against his as I whispered it harshly to him.  
"Stop.." He shook his head, his breathing deepening rapidly.  
"You don't want me to stop." I whispered, "You know you love it, you know you want it just as much as I do, just as much as I'll always want it."

He pressed his lips to mine harshly, clawing at my shoulders to pull me closer to him. I pressed my body fully towards his as his hands came up to grip the back of my head. I moaned and started walking him back towards the bed as I fumbled with his belt.  
He stepped back from me and pushed his own pants down after he pulled his shirt off. He rubbed his hand over my jean clad cock, his soft touch sent me straight past the moon it felt like. I watched with heavy eyes as he dropped to his knees in front of me and unzipped my pants, taking me slowly into his mouth. His mouth was heaven; his eyes never left mine as I watched him. He was enjoying my taste and I was enjoying him. I held the back of his head and pushed him down further around me, moaning as his throat tightened around me. The boy still hadn't got past his gag reflex problems. I quickly pulled away from him and motioned for him to get on the bed. I watched as he moved so that his ass was straight in the air, waiting for me as his eyes watched every move I made.

"Goddamnit, you're pretty." I whispered as I ran my fingertips over his tanned cheeks.

I wasted no time in pushing into him, his hips working back against mine to get me the farthest possible in him. He let out a loud moan as he brought my hand around to his cock. I stroked him to match the thrust of my hips, his body tensed up the faster I went. I didn't want to prolong this any longer than it took me, I wanted him badly and I wanted the release that only he could give me. He gripped the bed sheets tightly in his hand as he filled my hand as I came right behind him. Our bodies slumped together, I felt like I was all that mattered in his life right now as he curled up beside of me. He fell asleep almost instantly in my arms, my cock still inside of him. This could be a every night thing for us if only he would let it happen.


	5. Chapter 5: At Least You Know

May 22nd, 2013.

My eyes cracked open just as the sun was rising; I was never one to get much sleep. Sleep was something that didn't come easy for me; I'd always had problems with it ever since I was a teenage boy. Maybe it was because my guard was down when I was asleep, maybe it's just because I still didn't feel safe. Either way, my body had somehow gotten into this routine of waking up early and going to bed way too late. I was lucky to get four hours of sleep a night.  
Seth was still beside me, filling my bed with his extra body heat. We hadn't been to sleep but maybe five hours, it was only six am. The sun coming up, shining through the white linen curtains highlighted and defined his still naked body in front of me. Wispy black hairs fell all around his scruffy face. I could have melted him down to a vapor just to keep him with me in this moment, let him pass through me; take everything I had. I didn't care at the moment, the months I had spent wishing to wake up with him next to me turned into years. Ever since we had worked together in FCW and then WWE brought us even closer, I got to see him on a daily basis now. Some would say it's heaven but until I made my move on him, it was horrible. It took everything I had not to reach over and wake him up just to taste him; to kiss his lips that I had so desperately hated to love. Desperately hated to love; that's it. I hated that I so desperately loved Seth; I knew that he didn't love me the same way. He was sat up so high in my life; I've pushed him up so much that he was sitting on this throne in my life. I kept pushing and pushing him up on the scale of important things in my life and I've pushed him so far that he's out of my reach now and I had only myself to blame. Even though Colby was lying right in front of me, it felt like he was a million miles away. He wasn't dedicated to this like I was. I feared that he didn't even love me, didn't even try to love me. I feared I was just someone who he could get off on.  
I laid there staring at him for a few minutes before he started moaning; his breathing deepened rapidly and his skin flustered a bright red. What the fuck was he doing? He reached out and grabbed the sheets roughly as he let out another moan.

"Seth," I whispered as I lightly tapped his shoulder, "Seth wake up….seth…"

He wouldn't wake up, it started freaking me out. I shoved him hard; the man had always been a heavy sleeper. His body jerked up onto his knees as he quickly looked around the room. He realized where he was as he looked at me and starting laughing as his face planted back into the bed. He was blushing, his laughter made me feel a little better.

"What were you dreaming about?" I asked him after our laughter had subsided.  
"Last night." He whispered, his big brown eyes looking up into mine.  
"Last night?" I whispered, a soft smile breaking across my face.  
"Yeah." He nodded.  
"What about it?" I asked, trailing my fingers softly down his tattooed spine.  
"Everything was the same..but one thing." Seth whispered, he looked like he didn't want to tell me.  
"Well what is it?" I asked him; I expected him to tell me I grew Leighla's head and had tits.  
"I was fucking you." He whispered so low that I barely heard him.

I pulled my lips between my teeth as I felt the blood rush to my face. I had only ever let one other man ever do that too me and I promised myself that it would never happen again; I'd never let another man take control of me like that again. I didn't like feeling like I couldn't control a situation that I was in, sex included. I felt his hand on my bare thigh as he moved closer to me, his face laying only a few centimeters away from my face now as opposed to him lying on the other side of the bed earlier. He looked like he was trying to read me.

"Seth, I.." I trailed off, "I don't know if that could happen."  
"Why?" He whispered, trailing his fingers even further up on my leg.  
"I've only let one other guy..fuck me…I…we…fuck." I shook my head.  
"Tell me." Seth whispered, his hand was now just above my ass, "You can talk to me."  
"I was in love with him." I whispered, pulling the pillow even closer to me, "I thought he was in love with me, he told me he loved me but he really didn't. He played mind games with me; I was coming up in HWA. I was just really getting started in wrestling and he was sort of the 'big guy in charge' and everyone had to prove themselves to him-"  
"Who is 'he'?" Seth asked.  
"His wrestling name was Chris Carnage but his real name was Kris Shield. He stayed local; no one even gave the man a chance. He was a good wrestler; he beat my ass a couple times in the ring. He got busted for running a steroid ring not too long ago. But anyway, I'd just give myself to him. Let him do anything he wanted to, I trusted him. I thought he loved me like I said. After he'd leave my hotel room, he'd go to someone else's and see what they would give him. He used me but I was young and naïve and I didn't really know what love was. He was the first man I was ever with and the last for a long time really."  
"Do you still love him?" Seth asked as he laid his chin on my shoulder.  
"Sometimes." I whispered.  
"That's understandable." Seth nodded, "Don't think I was trying to get you to do something that you weren't comfortable with."  
"I know." I whispered after a few minutes.

I softly pressed my lips to his, kissing away that doubtful look on his face. I pushed him over on his back his back as I climbed on top of him and pressed my full body weight against his. He, to my surprise, pulled me down on him even harder. I rubbed my thumb softly over his stubbly face as his hips rocked up against mine, causing the both of us to moan. The feeling of his hard cock first thing in this morning was the best thing I've felt in a long time against my body. I kissed down from his lips to his neck, his fingers wrapped tightly in my hair as we held each other's gaze. The sound of my kisses being placed all over his chest was the only sound in the room; it bounced off the high walls and back to my ears almost. He laid his head back against the pillows as I continued pleasing him, trailing my lips further and further along his body. I rubbed a finger over the dents in his hips; I had always admired how they poked up over the hem of his pants when he walked around shirtless. I pressed my lips softly to the dents again, getting an even greater reaction from him.

"You like that?" I whispered, pressing my lip harder against the raised part of his skin.

His boxer clad cock was pressed hard against my chest, each time he moved I felt him even more. The attraction to me was there, pressed hard between our chests. I pulled my body off of him and quickly rid him of his boxers.  
I swallowed hard as I sat back on my knees and took in the full image of him laid out in front of me as I sat between his legs. His hard cock laid up against his toned body almost made me insane.

"You're beautiful." I whispered, running my hand softly up his thigh as I lowered my head and kissed the underside of his cock.

I licked my way up his stomach, taking in the smell of him as I pressed my face against his flesh. Lick, suck, bite, and kiss only to repeat my steps. I dug my teeth harshly over his chest as his body, the results were his body pressing even harder up against mine.

"After…after we had sex backstage and you left me in the hallway...could you sleep?" I asked him the question that I had been dying too.  
"No." His answer was short; I knew he was too lost in this.  
"Was it because of me?" I asked as I pressed my lips over his left nipple.  
"Yes." Came another answer, almost in a gasp.  
"Do you like this?" I asked as I reached down between our bodies and ran my thumb along his head.  
"Yes." Another short answer, he grasped at my shoulders as I moved down his body.

I sat back on my knees and watched his breathing, now rapid, enter and leave his body. He looked up at me pleadingly, his big brown eyes filled with lust as he looked over me. He had me with one soft, "Please." I moved so that my face was right beside his hard cock and ran my tongue trail along the vein, the taste of him hitting my tongue. He watched every move I made, biting at his bottom lip to keep from moaning. He ran a hand through the mess that was my hair and gripped as took his head between my lips. I sucked as hard as I could and let him thrust his hips up into my mouth. I continued like that for a few minutes before he let out a exasperate sigh. I looked up to see him looking down at me, gazing down at me like I was something important to him. I quickly got up off the bed and grabbed the lube before riding myself of my boxers. He watched me; watched every little move I made.  
I pulled him closer to the edge of the bed and I watched as he took the bottle of lube from my hands and squirted a generous amount into his hand. He warmed it up a little before sitting up and stroking my cock with his slippery hands. I moaned as his soft hands stroked me, he was catching on to be forceful with me. He knew I wasn't all for that lovey-dovey shit. His hands worked fast, he watched my face as he done so.  
"Say it," I whispered, "Say the words I need to hear. I want to hear you beg me, Seth."  
"Please," Seth breathed out, "Please fuck me."  
"You want me?" I moved away from him and laid our foreheads together.  
"Yes, Dean. I want all of you." Seth whispered, "I need you."

I pushed him back on the bed and pinned his legs up above his shoulders as I slowly eased a finger gently inside of him. He moaned done his best to push back against my fingers as I slowly slid another one deep inside of him. He moaned loudly, rocking his hips even harder back against me. His eyes looked up at me pleadingly, he wanted this. I quickly pulled my fingers out of him and slowly rubbed the head of my cock against him, his eyes going wide almost at the feel of me. He was still new to this; I had to keep reminding myself.

"Jon.." He moaned out softly as I slowly inched myself further in him; the intense warmth of his tight ass around my cock felt like it washed over me. All of a sudden, my body was on fire; I had only gotten this feeling once before and that was a long time ago with Chris. I slowly inched myself further in him, watching as my cock slipped further and further into him. I allowed him a little time to adjust before I started rocking my hips up into him. He gave me a soft nod and I began; began rocking my hips hard up into his. I relished in his warmth; he felt amazing around me. He wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he also wrapped his arms around my neck. I was engulfed in his scent, nothing but Colby all around me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as I took him, fucking him hard and rough. He moaned my name, it wasn't "Dean" that escaped his lips; It was "Jon." Over and over again, bringing me even closer to my orgasm as he verbally let me know that I was pleasing him. His hands moved from my back up to right behind my ears as he pulled my head up and pressed his lips harshly to mine. His body tensed a little as I felt him release between us, he let out a loud moan as he did. He ran his fingers over the soft sensitive spot on the back of my neck as we kissed. A few more moments and I filled him, moaning his name as I did. I laid there slumped against him; amazed that he didn't instantly push me off of him and run off. He tightened his grip around me, pulling me even tighter down on him. I laid with my head half on his shoulder and half on the bed, trying to regain my thoughts and composure and before I knew it, my mouth was working faster than my mind as I let out a soft, "I love you."

"I know." He whispered, rubbing my back as we laid there a tangled mess. His response stung a little, but at least he knew.


	6. Chapter 6: In Every Way That I Can

May 25th, 2013.  
I never knew why I was so hard to love; or if anyone could ever love me for that matter. I rubbed my eyes and yawned as we were on our way to another hotel. I was ready to go home, to have some time off to myself. I needed to be away from Seth just to be able to clear my head that he was constantly invading. It was a Saturday, Sunday we didn't have to do anything. I looked forward to our days off, don't get me wrong; I love wrestling and I love my job but sometimes it tires us all out.  
Roman was grouchy and arguing with Seth about some sort of shirt, I was here in the gym to work out.  
I left the other two men to go back to of the gym where the kept the bench presses normally. I didn't count these things; I just kept going until I felt I couldn't lift anymore. I lay down and gripped the cold steel in my hands and sighed as I heard some guys start shouting. Roman almost jerked me from the bench as he yanked my ear buds out.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, grabbing his shoulder.  
"Seth..he uh he dropped the bar across his foot..we gotta take him to the hospital; he can't put any pressure on it." Roman's panicky voice almost shouted at me.

My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces as I watched the EMT's load Seth's body onto the stretcher; Roman had informed me that he was trying to out-press him on the bench's and his grip slipped. They allowed me to ride in the back of the ambulance with him. His grip on my hand left me more than hopeful.

"He probably just has a crushed bone or something like that; he's breathing pretty good on his own so far." The EMT told me.

It seemed like it took Roman forever to get to the hospital; I was sitting beside Seth's bed in a uncomfortable chair. I needed a cigarette badly but I didn't dare leave his side. Seth was asleep; they had given him a pain pill. Yeah, I'll admit I shed a couple tears in fear. I was scared there was more damage than just the suspected broken foot.

"You can leave the room if you need to," The small nurse said as she walked up to me sitting in the room, "I'll be sure to let you back in."  
"Nah, I think I'll wait on our friend to get here." I said, "Thanks though…for letting me back and all that."  
"I know the look of love when I see it on someone's face." She smiled at me, "You're very welcome."

I sat back in the chair and watched over his sleeping body. He was right in front of me, knocked out by medicine. Yet once again he felt so far away from me. I kept telling myself that maybe it wasn't his baby; it couldn't be his baby. He wanted a child; Seth loved children. I had always known that. I decided right there in that hospital room that I was going to be happy for him if it was his child; Seth deserved it. I'd find a way somehow to push my feelings aside and be happy for him.  
When Roman walked in was when Seth had started stirring. I looked between the two and watched as Seth's nose started bleeding. Frowning, I pulled a few tissues from the box beside his bed and wiped his mouth.

"Where have you been?" I asked Roman.  
"I've been on the phone with headquarters to let them know what happened." Roman said, "How is he?"  
"They gave him a pain pill that made him sleepy. They suspect its broken." I said lowly.  
"Damn." Roman shook his head.  
"You should have never let him try and out bench you." I sighed, rubbing my forehead, "He's not as strong as you, Roman."  
"Obviously." Roman shrugged.  
"You're such an ass." I chuckled.

Soon, we were able to take him back to the hotel. He had a suspected minor fracture on the top part of his foot. We laid him in the bed and I told Roman he could go on, that I could take care of him. He was sportin' a new flashy bulky grey boot. For some reason, they didn't put a cast on it. I looked over at his bed beside of mine, he was wide awake despite the pain pill I had just given him. I sat my magazine down and cleared my throat.

"I'm fucking stupid." Seth grumbled.  
"You are not. Don't talk about yourself like that." I quickly shook my head.  
"Why did I ever think I could press more than Roman?" Seth shook his head, "Now who knows what will happen with the titles. They'll surely take them from us because I'm unable to compete."  
"Maybe not." I shook my head.  
"I know they will. They are just assholes like that. It's not meant for me to be the champion." Seth shook his head.  
"It's not meant for you to be a champ? Seth, you won the first NXT belt." I didn't like for him to talk so ill of himself.  
"But that's different, Dean. That's developmental. This is the real deal." Seth shook his head as he looked down at his booted foot, "I'm so idiotic."  
"Seth," I sighed as I crawled over to his bed, "Stop talking like that."  
"Why do you love me?" Seth whispered as he laid his head against my chest.  
"Because you're perfect." I whispered.  
"No I'm not." He shook his head.  
"Perfect for me." I shrugged.  
"Stop saying that, I'm nothing but a idiot." He nuzzled my chest even more.  
"I don't love the imperfect." I whispered.  
"Do..do you really love me?" Seth whispered as I turned the lamp off.  
"You know I'd never lie to you about that." I whispered against the top of his head.  
"Honestly, why?" He whispered.  
"I just do." I whispered, "I haven't been able to put my finger on it, either."  
"Well when you do, will you let me know?" Seth yawned.  
"I'll tell you in every way that I can." I whispered.


	7. Chapter 7: Kiss Me

(I still have to get back into the mindset of Dean/Seth but it's slowly coming along! Please do leave a review. I promise, updates will start coming more sooner. Thanks for all the reviews so far! You guys are awesome! Also, if you read my Jon/Lily story, just want to let you guys know that I AM for a FACT going to type up a full sequel.)

June 16th, 2013.  
I just heard the most devastating news in my life. She was, proven right in front of my blue eyes, pregnant. She was taking my sweet Seth away from me to father her baby. I didn't want to hear any more of the two all over each other. Seth was supposed to end up to be mine, to allow us two to run away together and be happy. I leaned against the railing of the hotel balcony and looked down as I sucked down yet another cigarette, my sixth one within the last hour. My nerves were tore up. I hated women and their reproductive organs. They were either trapping all the good men or mad at them due to the certain time of the month.  
She was pregnant but it was still a matter of time before we found out the race of the baby. Six more long gruesome months left until that thing came out of her with a 50/50 chance of being the love of my life's offspring.

"Dean," Seth's voice piped up from behind me, "Can..can we talk?"  
"Do I ever push you away?" I looked back at him; I didn't understand why he always asked me that, "The answer will always be yes, Seth."  
"I don't want to be a dad, Dean." Seth shook his head, "I can't do that. Babies hate me."  
"Babies don't hate you. You're just not comfortable enough around them." I chuckled, "It's a little too late to be backing out now, bub."  
"Lets just leave, lets go to Hawaii or something. Maybe no one would ever find us and we wouldn't have to be brought back to reality. I won't ever have to know whether it's mine or not." Seth stepped closer to me, "We won't ever have to be separated from each other."  
"You'll want to know if that's your baby or not." I sighed, "You can't run away from your problems, Seth. And plus, Hawaii is an expensive place to live."  
"Just make it all stop, Dean." Seth sighed, leaning his head against my shoulder, "Make the world quit spinning for once. Make my head steady. I don't know how to do that anymore."  
"Hey," I whispered as I wrapped him in my arms, "Just take a breather, okay?"

He pressed his face into the fabric of my shirt and huffed. I massaged his head as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I could have held him for forever but we were soon drawn out of our moment with Roman walking outside. He looked frustrated.

"Seth, she's got to go. Her and my wife is talking about pregnancy. I'm not ready to have another kid." Roman glared down at the younger man.

Seth let out a loud grumble and stormed away from my arms back into the hotel room. Roman looked over at me with a pained expression on his face; he knew how much I loved Seth. I had confessed it all to him long before I ever made any moves on Seth. He was the one that told me to go ahead with my plan, to sweep Seth off his feet.

"Any luck?" Roman asked.  
"Nope." I shook my head, "Just more confusion."  
"Maybe this will all work out in your favor." Roman shrugged.  
"Nothing ever does." I sighed, "Nothing's ever easy for me to get."  
"Just don't give up on him. He loves you and I know you love him. Right now, his life is a paradox. It's scary knowing you're going, or might be in this case, to become a father. Knowing that you made a person. It's a scary thing, Dean." Roman lectured me, "Just be there for him."

I sat and watched her lay all over him the entire day. Seth was beyond infuriated by the time we left for the arena. He was nervous, I could tell. He dropped his belt more than twice. Luckily he was able to mask his injury before the doctors caught a hold of it and wasn't forced to forfeit his belt. Him and Roman were still the champions. He fumbled with his pants belt before taking the thin material belt from the loops and slamming it down against the wall.

"Seth," I snapped at him; he was stressing me out.  
"WHAT?!" He shouted.  
"Baby," I sighed as I picked his belt up off the ground and wrapped it around his waist.  
"I..I'm sorry, Dean." He whispered, shaking his head as he allowed me to put his belt back around him.  
"It's okay." I flashed him a soft smile, "Just relax, okay?"  
"I don't know how to do that anymore." He shook his head.  
"Of course you do." I kept my tone calming.  
"I can't. The world just seems like its spiraling out of my control." He sighed.  
"It'll only seem like that if you continue to let it." I whispered, moving my gloved hand out to stroke his face.  
"Kiss me." He whispered.  
"What?" I was confused by his odd request.  
"It's the only time I can get relief from the world." Seth shook his head, "Just please..kiss me."

I, being the complete sucker I am for him, pulled him into my arms and softly brushed my lips against his. The exasperated sigh he always let out was my favorite part of this. He pressed his lips firmly against mine, his lips working to gain entrance to mine. I didn't hold back much longer and our tongues swept out to taste each other. He pulled away and licked his lips before pecking mine softly once again. His face was flustered as I opened my eyes again to look over his. His big brown orbs looked into mine and, for the first time, I swore I saw a hint of admiration in them. My heart ached and I almost pinned him to the wall and vigorously ripped ever single article of clothing from him but ebfore I could act on my actions, our entrance music hit and we had to walk down to the ring.


	8. Chapter 8: I don't want too

(We've got maybe two more chapters left of this one. I want to thank everyone for their support through this but with Lily and Jon in such high demand and everyone literally confessing their love for the two, I may come back and revisit this one. It all depends on how much you guys like this one.)

September 15th, 2013

It was late at night when Seth walked back through the hotel room. I was walking out of the bathroom, just from my shower as he shut the door. He turned around and I saw a fire in his eyes; something that I hadn't seen since the first time I came on to him.

"Seth, wha-" His lips crashing around mine instantly cut me off. He pushed me against the wall and nibbled on my bottom lip for entrance that he knew I couldn't deny him. His hands went for my towel and pushed it off of my hips. I could barely see him in the dark room but I knew what he was going for as soon as he dropped to his knees in front of me.  
I don't know what had gotten into him but I loved it. I reached over and flipped the light on to see his hand working quickly up and down my shaft as his tongue trailed over the head. I gave in; I let myself feel as if he needed me just not for the sex but the emotional part of this too. My moans filled the room as I gripped his long hair and held on tightly.

"Fuck," I grunted, "Seth you're getting so good at this."  
"Anything for you, sir." The words came out of his mouth made me even more turned on; I had never been extremely rough with Seth and I'd never commanded him to call me that name that got my entire body hot. I'd never introduced him to that side of me simply because I felt I didn't need to go that far. Sex with him was enjoyable enough as it was, even if it was plain.

"On the bed." I said as I backed away from him. I watched him shuffle to his feet and start pulling his clothes off frantically. He done exactly what I said and got in the position before I even told him too. He sat with his ass in the air and his head pressed into the mattress as he looked back at me with pleading eyes. Endless nights we've had sex but nothing amounted to the feeling of him silently begging me. I didn't waste any time after taking the long gaze at him. He was tight and warm around my cock and that drove me to fucking him as harshly as I could. I pushed the limits and I know I was doing so. I grasped his throat tightly but that seemed to only turn him on more.  
In the end, I couldn't even be the way I was towards other men with him. I couldn't just fuck him; no my feelings got in the way and I was scared of hurting him. I was scared of being too rough with him and making him walk away. Any other time, I could have been as rough as possible and not have cared. Seth was different; I actually loved Seth.

September 16th, 2013.

Seth lie beside of me, sleeping with his arms stretched out over my stomach. His head rested on my bicep and his facial hair tickled my chest. He snored softly and pushed the breath out through his mouth; the warm puffs washing over my chest. I smoked cigarette after cigarette as I stared at the ceiling. My mind was so full of thoughts that I couldn't pin-point just one of them and concentrate on it. I looked over at him, the beautiful man that I wanted to call mine. Every time he would breathe in, his chest would brush against mine. It was early in the morning, just around sunrise and I had yet to sleep. I didn't need it. I was energized, I felt like I could have ran a marathon.

"Dean," Seth croaked out; I hadn't even realized he was awake.  
"Yeah babe?" I whispered, looking down at him.  
"I don't think I can do this." He whispered, "If..if that's my baby..I can't stay with her. I can't love her like I do you."  
"That's your kid, Seth. You're going to love it regardless." I sighed; I was tired of talking about this.  
"Not the baby. Of course I'll love the baby." Seth chuckled at my misinterpretation, "I'm talking about Leigh."  
"Parents don't have to be together to be parents." I shrugged.  
"Yeah, you're right. But I don't want it to grow up like I did." He sighed.  
"It doesn't have to, Seth." I ran my fingers over his scruffy face, "You make that call, though."

I bent down a little and gave him a soft peck on the lips before crawling out of bed and going to take a shower. Seth didn't get it. He didn't understand that I would be here for him no matter what he chose to do. Maybe I'd have to force it into him somehow; someway he was going to understand that.


	9. Chapter 9: Sad Goodbyes

**_(Long time no update. I've just been so busy with the one-shot blog and Jon & Lily that I actually kept forgetting to update this. Heh. Anyway, hope it was worth the wait! We're going to go ahead and jump to Leighla's delivery! The song is by Adele as most of you know I completely and utterly adore her. So here we go! Reviews would be nice. I just want to clear this up, I am in no way racist. I've faced a lot of controversy in the last few weeks over my fics and that's not what I want. This is just a story, remember that. Love you. Mean it. *smooch*)_**

**_Didn't I give it all?  
Tried my best,  
Gave you everything I had,  
Everything and no less,  
Didn't I do it right?  
Did I let you down?_**

I watched as Seth walked out of the room; expecting to see a smile playing across his beautiful face. I had built myself up to just leave him alone now that he had a child. I couldn't be selfish with him anymore, he had a family. I was proud of him, he was going to be such a great dad. I pulled my hat down further on my head as he walked closer over to me, there wasn't a trace of happiness on his beautiful tanned face anywhere. Sadness loomed in his eyes as he looked into my mine- it hurt to see that.

"It's..it's not mine, Dean." Seth whispered, "The baby..it's…it's half black like she said it would be."

"Colby…" I didn't really know what to say to him; I just stood there with wide eyes as I looked over his sad face.

"Why did you let me be so fucking stupid, Jon? Why did you ever let me have hope that it was my child? Why, Jon? Why didn't I believe you? I knew that kid wasn't mine. I knew it from the moment she told me she cheated on me. I'm so fucking stupid." Seth verbally attacked himself as the tears streamed freely down his face.

"Seth," I pulled him into my chest, "You're not stupid. You just had hope, you had hope that it was yours."

"No, I'm fucking stupid." Seth sobbed. The younger man in my arms was heartbroken, "I need to go. I want to go far far away."  
"Seth, what about our jobs?" I asked him.

"I'd never make you leave the company. It'll just be me. I need some me time. I need time to myself. That's what I need. Time to recuperate; time to get back to the old me." Seth said, "What was that old me like again?"

"Young, loving, freehearted, caring. You were amazing." I whispered, "You are still just as amazing, seth. You're just a little confused right now."  
"I'm going to leave for a couple days. I don't know where I'll go, I don't know how I'll get there. I just want to go, Dean. I want to go" His words stung me; he wanted to leave me.

"Then go, Seth." I whispered, "I won't try and stop you."

**_Maybe you got too use to,  
Having me around,  
Still, how can you walk away,  
From my tears?  
It's gonna be an empty road,  
Without me right here,_**

He looked up at me tearfully as he met mine eyes; tears of my own shining now.

"I won't be gone for long, Dean. Just enough time to get my head on straight. Please don't cry." Seth whispered as he ran a thumb over my cheek, "I don't like seeing you cry."

"Too late." I whispered, "Be careful, alright Seth?"

"I will." He nodded, "I meant what I said the other day, Dean."

"What's that?" I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I love you." Those three words left Seth's mouth and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore as he walked off.

**_But go on and take it,  
Take it all with you,  
Don't look back,  
At this crumbling fool,  
Just take it all,  
With my love,  
Take it all,  
With my love,_**

I watched him walk down the hallway I had paced for hours, leaving what he thought was the love of his life and the guy whom he said he loved in the same area. I sunk down against the wall into a crouch and buried my face in my hands; he didn't know what he just done to me. It felt like everything I ever had just walked out that door and was going to somewhere unknown.

**_Maybe I should leave,  
To help you see,  
Nothing is better than this,  
And this is everything we need,  
So is it over?  
Is this really it?  
You're giving up so easily,  
I thought you loved me more than this?_**

Maybe I should have been the one that left a long time ago; Seth would have never had to go through this if it wasn't for me it felt like. What did this mean for him and I? Were we together? Did he just break up with me? He just broke me. He just walked out, leaving me alone. He never even looked back, he didn't regret it. He never would.

**_But go on, go on and take it,  
Take it all with you,  
Don't look back,  
At this crumbling fool,  
Just take it all,  
With my love,  
Take it all,  
With my love,_**

I knew I should have went after him, went with him even but even deeper than that, I knew that letting him go was the right thing to do. He needed space and I understood that. I could only hope that within his time away he realized just how much I needed and cherished him and that he came back to me. I knew that no matter how long it would take him- I'd still be right here with open arms. Wide open arms, as far as I could stretch them just to embrace him again.

Roman came over to the couch and set down beside of me. I leaned my head against his big shoulder. He had seen everything. Every little time I had to fight to keep him, Roman was there.

"I couldn't keep him anymore." I whispered.

"Sometimes you just have to let people go in order for them to realize how much you loved them."

I let what Roman said sink it, he had a point. "What if I left the cage door too opened?"

"He'll never forget where he belongs." Roman patted my thigh, "C'mon. You can stay with me tonight."

"No, I think I need to be alone tonight." I whispered.

"Are you sure that's the best thing right now?"

"I'm sure. I just need my best friend jack and a carton of cigarettes." I sighed- I needed a way to relax.

"I've already got the jack. I don't do that smoking shit." Roman chuckled, "Lets go."


	10. Chapter 10: Survive, I'll Do It

Dean sat up in bed in a cold sweat, his heart racing and his breathing ragged. He hated having bad dreams, especially with Seth in them. He'd dreamed so many fucked up things in Seth's absence. It's been two weeks and no one had heard a thing from him. He'd called Seth so many times but it went straight to voicemail.

Dean leaned against the headboard of the hotel bed, trying to shake the image of Seth's dead bloody body laying out on the road. He had dreamed that Roman and he were traveling to the next show when they came upon a crash site. Blood was everywhere, as was glass and random metal parts that should have been on the car. He remembered Roman pulling over and the both of them walking up the car. Roman opened the door and Seth's dead body fell out on the ground, his eyes wide open.

That's all he remembered before waking up shaking with tears running down his face. He couldn't go back to sleep for the rest of the night.

Dean damn near drunk himself silly that night, wondering where Seth had went after he left. He felt stupid for ever thinking someone as wonderful as Seth could ever love him, made him feel stupid for thinking it. . He had explained everything to the headquarters and was gone before Dean had even gotten back to the hotel. He had worried himself silly, there's no doubt about it. He spent endless hours lying in bed crying silently, even though he'd never admit it to anyone else. He had wiped and washed his face before joining the rest of the guys down at the gym, he had to blow off some steam. His heart was crushed, didn't mean the rest of the day had to go bad though.

"You good, man?" Roman asked, the large iron-like hand came down to grasp over Dean's shoulder causing the younger man to stir from his thoughts.

Dean nodded absent-mindedly, "Yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't have to play it off man; we all know how you feel about him." Roman shook his head and pursed his lips, "We might not understand it. Shit, I always thought you were straight…"

"I had all intentions of just being friends with him, Rome." Dean shook his head and fought against the lump in his throat, "You have no idea how bad I fought myself. But that night, Roman. That night I couldn't help it. He smiled at me and it felt like my heart was going to lurch out of my chest. I'm not good enough for him."

"Don't say shit like that, man." Roman shook his head; he wasn't really good with helping console others but this was one of his best friends – he had to show him some sort of comfort, "Seth's just in a odd place in his life."

"He didn't even tell anyone where he went, Roman!" Dean shook his head, "How are we going to know if something happens to him?"

"Stop worrying, dude." Roman shook his head, "You're never this wound up. You really love him, don't you Dean?"

Dean had this hopeful look in his eyes, Roman couldn't describe it. He'd never seen Dean look this sad but this happy in his life. Dean didn't know what he should feel. Yes, Seth wasn't permanently stuck to the girl he didn't want to be for a couple years. He thought Seth would fall in his arms after that, but he didn't and that's what made him sad. He was happy for Seth, but he was mad at Seth. He felt alone in this…shit, Dean didn't even know what to call them. He loved Seth with all of his heart, more than he could muster. And watching Seth walk out on him killed every last bit of hope he had of them ever being together.

"I love him a lot," Dean wiped at his eyes and shook his head, "Fuck, I'm sorry Roman. I just need to go walk or something."

"Take your time, we got the day off while they try to figure out what to do with Seth's story line." Roman nodded.

* * *

Seth curled up in the hotel bed. He didn't know where he was anymore, the roads seemed to blur together as he drove. He was glad to have come across a hotel. He didn't know why he left, really. He just needed a few days to himself. He had to get his head cleared. He missed Dean, and wanted badly to stay there, but he couldn't. He couldn't let the other guys see him like this. He knew Dean wouldn't judge him but he couldn't let him see him sob. He didn't want to seem weak and stupid. That's the only thing Seth hated about crying.

Seth wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call Dean. It had been almost two weeks now since he left and he heard the rumors of him having a sprained leg. He didn't know, nor did he care to see, how he supposedly done it. He just needed to know that Dean was okay. He knew in his past he had a history of drinking and a problem with drugs and he knew damn well Dean was in a better place in his life now, but he still needed to know that he was okay with his absence.

Reluctantly, he picked up his cell phone and scrolled through the options until he found Roman's number. He wouldn't call him in fear of Dean being around. He quickly sent out a text message to him, stating that he was okay and just wanted to make sure Dean was, too.

A few minutes later a reply came; **_He's going out of his fucking mind, Seth. You either need to come back or call him and let him know you're safe. I'm not doing it. He's worried about you, Seth. I've never seen him cry and last night I heard him sobbing. He's had nightmares so bad that I had to bust in the hotel door, he's gotten drunk every fucking night, it's safe to say that this boy needs you. _**

Seth sent back, **_I can't talk to him right now. Idk what to say to him. How do I explain myself for leaving him when I should have stayed beside of him that night? I know he could give me comfort, the kind that I need, but Idk if I can see him right now._**

**_All I'm saying is at least call him. I'm tired of picking his drunk ass up off the floor. Maybe if he heard your voice or something. He's been following me around like a lost puppy. _**

Seth chuckled at the imagine of Dean following Roman around and getting on his nerves. He hated himself. Fuck – he didn't even really understand why he left. He just felt like the world was closing in around him once he saw the baby wasn't his. Somewhere deep inside of him, he had gotten used to the fact that he might have been a father, and even with Dean that could still be possible through other ways of sort, but…even his thoughts weren't making any sense to him. He needed Dean and he needed to know that he was okay. He knew what he needed to do.

* * *

Dean was sitting with his back against the railing of the hotel's patio. He sat his bottle of beer down and leaned back against the cool steel and heaved a heavy breath. Roman had went out for the night after Dean had convinced him that he would be alright – he didn't want to be seen this upset by the other guys, and that he needed some time alone.

He had let his mind wander to Seth when his phone rung, drawing him out of his thoughts. He had the best intentions of not even getting up to look at it. Then he thought something might have been wrong with Roman. Sighing, he got up from the cold hard ground and made his way back into the stuffy hotel room and over to the nightstand where his phone was charging. He looked at the caller I.D and his heart stopped.

He closed his eyes and answered the phone, "Hello?"

Seth breathed into the phone, "Hey."

"Seth…I…where are you?"

"Open your door," Seth said softly into the phone.


	11. Chapter 11: The Talk Prt 1

Dean, in his slightly drunken stupor, walked over to the door and opened it, revealing the most beautiful sight he'd probably ever seen in his life. Seth was there, and he might not stay, but he was here now. Standing in front of him, heavy winter coat wrapped tightly around him and all. He looked just as messy as Dean did, his face was somewhat streaked with old tears. His hair was wet, he had gotten trapped in a rainstorm, but it didn't stop him from coming back to Dean.

At first, Dean didn't know what to say. He stood there and fumbled with the hem of his shirt, feeling like a complete idiot before he felt Seth's hand cup his cheek, "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Where did you go?" Dean's brow furrowed, he was still trying to make sense of it all in his head. How did Seth get here so fast, where did he go, and was he alright?

"I went back to Iowa." Seth said, taking his hand away from Dean's face, he felt that coldness behind his touch that he didn't expect to feel from Dean.

"Oh," Dean said softly and nodded his head. Surely Seth didn't think he could just leave him and then he'd have open arms for him when he came back, did he?

"Dean, I'm sorry." Seth confessed, peeling the wet jacket off of his body, "I didn't meant to hurt you."

"Yeah, well I guess it's too late to apologize for that, huh?" Dean shook his head, "I felt really, really unimportant to you when you left."

Seth's hand came out to touch Dean and he inwardly grimaced when he saw Dean flinch away, "Seth…don't touch me."

Seth felt his heartbreak a little inside his ribcage. The man he loved, the man he'd do just about anything for now, was pulling away from him. He understood why, he would have probably acted the same way. But it hurt, it hurt badly. He wanted nothing more than to hold Dean, hold the man he loved, but there were barriers now.

"I mean," Dean's voice sliced through the silence, "Do you honestly think that I didn't worry about you? Where the fuck did you go?"

Seth sighed, he knew the questions were coming now, and he flopped down on the couch as Dean paced back and forth, hammering him with questions.

"You went almost two weeks without calling anyone. Headquarters didn't know where you went. Roman didn't know where you went." Dean shook his head and fought back the tears, he was so pissed off yet happy at the same time, "I was so scared something happened to you."

"Yeah, but I'm okay now," Seth smiled, "I'm completely fine."

"No," Dean shook his head, "You're not okay. You left. Why did you leave?"

"Because I was scared, Dean. I was going to be a father, I didn't know."

"The baby wasn't yours!" Dean almost yelled, his voice raspy with emotion, "So why did you leave?"

"I wanted the baby to be mine, alright?" Seth exclaimed, jumping up off the couch, "I held hope until I found it out for myself. And it hurts. I got my heart ripped out when that baby wasn't mine. You don't understand unless you get used to the idea of having someone boring YOUR child. You'll never understand, Dean. And I know you are pissed at me, fuck I'm pissed at myself. I shouldn't have left you, I know that now. But I was scared that if I didn't get some time alone by myself that none of this would work out right. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry I worried you."

Dean crossed his arms as he looked down at the half drank bottle of whiskey, "I know what its like, Seth. You aren't the only one. I know that's what transpired into all my drug use. She killed our baby and left," Dean scoffed and shook his head, "You think you are the only one that goes through shit, don't you?"

"Now you're just being dumb, Dean. Of course I don't think that!" Seth was too interested in what he'd just learned, "What do you mean you know how it feels?"

Dean smiled sadly as he recalled the hurtful memories that was built up so deep inside of him. "Her name was Maya. I loved her. I loved her a lot, actually I was in love with her. She found out she was pregnant just as I was joining CZW. She got really pissed at me over something stupid. Sent me a picture of a positive test and then not even two minutes later sent me a picture of her in the abortionists office. Didn't even let me see any sonograms until afterwards. She was two months. I could have a child now, Seth. So don't fucking tell me I don't know what it feels like, Seth." Dean broke down, "I know that fucking hurt."

Seth looked down at his feet, he had no idea of Dean's past. He suddenly realized that he didn't know much about the man he loved, other than he was a very, very caring man underneath his rough exterior. Seth walked closer to him and pulled him closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around the visibly shaken man. "I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't know. You never told me. I'm so sorry."

Dean laid his forehead against Seth's shoulder before letting out a shaky sob and then pulling away. "You're cold, aren't you?"

Seth nodded slightly, "Sort of."

"If you want to take a shower, I have some clothes you could borrow."

"Take one with me," Seth pulled at his hand.

"Seth," Dean shook his head, "No. Go take a shower and then we can talk some more afterwards. When…uh…when do you leave again?"

"In the morning, I still have four days off. Is…is it okay if I stay with you tonight? We don't have to have sex or anything, I know you're still mad at me, but I just think that it'd be nice to feel you beside of me again…"

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "Yeah you can stay with me. You don't have to ask."

Seth nodded before turning around on his heels and peeling the shirt off his back, wet with rain, and tossed it beside of Dean's clothes on the floor. Dean watched him walk into the bathroom, not even bothering to shut the door behind him, and then crashed on the bed. He stared up at the ceiling as he processed what was happening.

Seth was back for only a few more hours. They had a lot to talk about. His head hurt, his buzz was long gone, and he was rendered speechless. It wasn't like he knew Seth wouldn't come back, this was his job. He was a wrestler, and it was true that he loved his job. One way or another, Dean would have had to face him whether he came back for him or it was strictly for his job. But he was here. And now Dean needed to stop being such a dickhead to him, he knew that.

* * *

_**The good part comes next...And, some more of Dean's past. **_


End file.
